It has been about nine months since I started working outside the house again. I’m re-learning some things about myself. The biggest thing I’m struggling with right now is how to invest my emotions.
When I work from home, I don’t interact with many people. At least, I don’t see them in person very often. Even when I do deal with people, it’s my co-workers only, not clients or patients. Since I started working outside the house, I’ve noticed that I spend a lot more of my emotional energy on my work. I spend my day working with co-workers, clients or patients, and supervisors. I invest a lot of emotional energy into my work, knowing that to keep my job, I have to keep these people happy.
Is it worth it? Absolutely. Is it disruptive to how I want to live my life? Without pause or doubt. It makes writing on this blog difficult. Not only am I spending emotional energy on other people, I’m also keeping my inner emotions locked away more often. It is harder and harder to open myself up for my writing, and for my relationships with the people who matter.
This is mostly because I have dissociation issues. I distance myself from an emotion, and my mind takes over, pushing it farther and farther away, in order to protect itself. It takes active participation and concentration to keep myself in touch with my inner id.
My biggest/only new year’s resolution is to try harder to be in touch with myself. One goal for the year is to be published. Another is to reinforce my closest relationships. Both of these require me to latch onto my own feelings, thoughts, and actions, and keeping them in line for myself.
I will invest more of my emotional energy into my family, returning it to the primary concern in my world, rather than allowing work to take the lead. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking professionalism or work ethic. Rather, it means I will do more to leave work at work, and return to my family each day more focused on them that I have been recently.
Happy new year to you all.
Jenny edited this to add: While Rory has been focusing a lot of energy on his work, he has definitely not neglected his relationships at home. He just has additional priorities.