What Would I Do During the Zombie Apocalypse?

This is an interesting question to think about, because we all know it’ll never happen, but it’s fun to think about the people we’d throw under the (bone) bus if it came to it. I see all kinds of memes run across my feed, usually in the form of “the first 8 people in your chat list” are the characters, etc.

There are all kinds of tired cliches, references to terrible movies/shows, and some strangely gory statements balled in to one big post. Most of these things wouldn’t apply, even in the (nearly) impossible situation that would be a zombie apocalypse. I’ve thought about similar things in the past, so I know what I would do in most situations requiring me to fear my neighbor, for whatever reason.

1) I’d grab my portable safe.
2) I’d grab my kids and Jenny
3) I’d drive straight to a location with pre-existing firearms, but not the fire-arms dealers, because that’s a good place to get shot for no good reason. Fear makes people heartless.
4) I’d fuel up every time I passed a gas station that wasn’t being looted.
5) I’d drive like hell for one of my top 10 favorite survival locations. Each of these locations has friends who (like me) know a crap-ton about living in a world without amenities. If I had to, I’d walk my ass off. I can walk between 15 and 25 miles a day depending on the terrain. I’d be slower with the kids and Jenny though.
6) I’d hunt. I’m a damn good shot, despite not having general access firearms.
7) I’d barter for a small amount of livestock. Chickens/poultry > pigs > dogs > anything else. Poultry basically feed themselves if you let them, and they like groups, and will stay close to you for no good reason, just because they like company. Pigs eat ANYTHING leftover, including rotten food. Dogs are harder to feed, but provide a great amount of human-disease-resistant protection.
8) I wouldn’t trust anyone.
9) I’d live not-quite-comfortably knowing that my family is fed and safe. I’d teach every skill I have to my kids, and anyone else who wants to learn. Survival is for the fittest, but success is for the diplomatic.

So there it is. Your 9-step guide to making it through a societal breakdown of any significant level. You are welcome. Please don’t give me zombie-virus.

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