Manic Euphoria and Anxiety Related Insomnia

I slept like shit night before last, and now I’m paying the price. There are many reasons I lose sleep. Sometimes, it’s as simple as not wanting to go to bed. Other times, it’s a matter of not being able to sleep in general. Other times, I’m so anxious about actually falling asleep, I keep myself up with the help of mental chatter.

When I’m manic, I have to monitor how much I sleep and why I’m not sleeping. If I don’t make a conscious effort, I could end up going days without enough sleep, with a monumental variety of complications caused by the subsequent exhaustion.

In these cases, I don’t always want to sleep. I am just plain not tired. I am enjoying myself, and I can’t always rationalize the need for sleep, because I don’t feel like I need it. This is a pitfall that is hard to fight against, because I have to force myself to lay down, sometimes for hours, until I am sleepy enough to go under. Obviously, this is no friggin picnic.

Other times, I go to bed, and for some reason, my brain won’t shut up. I’ve had a few things to be anxious about lately, including some job applications, social stuff, and some minor health concerns. Last night, I started out fine, but as more and more time passed without falling asleep, my anxiety kicked in.

I was anxious about not being able to fall asleep, and because I was tired, I was not very rational, so it was difficult to moderate my anxiety. This just kept feeding itself, hour after hour. Sometime after 5am I fell asleep. Jenny woke me several hours later in the effort to get me going for the day. For the first time in years, I woke up with my head buried under several pillows, and the covers, with a stuffed animal or two on top for good measure.

Right away, Jenny asked if I was okay, and I confirmed that I was okay(ish), but that I hadn’t slept. We talked for a few minutes, and she offered to let me go back to sleep while she ran errands. It was too late. I was awake, and couldn’t go back to sleep thanks to the returning anxiety.

I ran errands with her in the morning, and by early afternoon, I was dragging ass enough that Jenny sent me back to bed. I slept for a couple of hours, and returned to my day. I never quite felt refreshed, but I fell asleep a little more easily last night.

On one hand, I’m glad it was just anxiety. Euphoric insomnia is so much harder to fight. At least this way, I am actually getting some rest, even if it’s not enough. I’m going to zombie crawl through the day, and try not to nap. Let’s see if I can.

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6 thoughts on “Manic Euphoria and Anxiety Related Insomnia

  1. Gary Ledbetter

    I know for me res is paramount. If I don’t go to bed at the same time and wake at the same time for two days then symptoms of my bipolar disorder will appear. Sometimes I can’t sleep when the time comes up for me to get to bed and follow my routine, but at least I’m lying there trying. Routine, although boring, keeps me as healthy as I can be right now.

    Reply
    1. Rory Post author

      I’m glad you’ve recognized that for yourself. Thanks for the feedback. I’ve been trying for years to get myself to go to bed at the same time every night, but it never works out, especially now that I have kids.

      Reply
  2. zooey

    Ah sleep and manic are hand-in-hand for me. So is worrying about getting sleep, which also keeps me up. There is a huge correlation for me between less than 6 hours of sleep and major depression. So not sleeping put me into a panic as old habits surface and I start zooming up on my second wind about 10:30. Thank goodness for my small cocktail at night (low doses of trazadone and xanax) to get me out of that cycle of worrying about sleeping or staying awake to game. Hope tonight is better, Rory. Hugs.

    Reply
    1. Rory Post author

      Thank you, Z. I haven’t tried anything like Tazadone or Xanax because I’m worried about dependencies, but I’m glad you’ve found something works for you.

      Reply

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