For Basil Rathbone, Thanks for the Comment!

I received the most interesting comment Friday. Yes, I approved it, but I am also going to reply here. I know many of my readers have questions, and some valid points are made here, albeit in a strange, attacking manner.

Read the comment first, and then I will answer the points made.

Screenshot from 11/22/2013 Comment in reply to Maury Povich, a blog post by Rory

Screenshot from 11/22/2013
Comment in reply to Maury Povich, a blog post by Rory

First of all, welcome to being a world class troll. You know my name, but I am sure you are not a turn-of-the-century British actor. Classy name choice though.

First point I have to discuss:  “Seriously, we know that you are mentally ill, God knows that you’ve pounded it into the head of your readers ad nauseam…”

I think you are missing the point of this blog, dear reader. This blog is about my mental illness. It’s called Terminally Intelligent because of the link between high intelligence and mental illness combined with the (understandable) high correlation of mental illness and suicide. This is my own personal place to reflect on my mental illness. I just share it because so many of my friends have had questions over the years.

Next: “Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself whining constantly?”

Yes. Yes I do. I feel guilty every time I put a post up. This blog paints the worst possible image of myself, and I am terrified and ashamed EVERY TIME. I don’t write this blog as an angst filled monologue. If it comes off that way, I’m very, very sorry.

I write this blog in the effort to help other people understand me, and other mentally ill people. I pray every time a post goes up that, “I hope this one post helps someone.”

Next: “…constantly lament over how dreadful your parents were…”

This is just absurd. If I constantly lamented how dreadful my parents were, I could write a post every single day for the next fifteen years, and still feel like I haven’t said everything. My parents were sex traffickers, drug maker/seller/users, abusive in every possible way, and extraordinarily mentally ill. I’m not defending my “lamentation,” I’m just hoping that you can understand that every once in a while, I will write about my past. I can’t change what that past was. If I wanted to play the victim, then I would bemoan these things to my friends and colleagues. Instead, I write about it in this online journal, in the hopes that it can make a difference.

Next: “…how unstable and ‘ fragile ‘ you are, how life is just so ‘ draining and fatiguing ‘ for you…”

I can’t argue with this. I make a point of telling people how fragile and unstable I am. Life is extraordinarily draining for me.

But I can explain why I talk about it. I am constantly told that I am one of the most steadfast people someone knows. I have been lauded as a “safe place,” an “unshakable confidant,” and a “genuinely good-hearted person.” I talk about how hard that is, because so many people in the world suffer, and nobody knows any better. No matter how many times I have tried to explain to people that I have a hard time being “strong” for others, people always put too much faith in me.

Then the other foot drops. I have a bad day, which may mean I’m cranky, and may mean I’m violent. If I can’t go to work, I just can’t go to work. It is just that way for me sometimes. I feel guilty, and cowardly. I feel like a world class jerk, and I feel like a drama queen. Those things aren’t true though.

The truth is that I struggle. I have a hard time sometimes. I write about those struggles so that others who struggle might have words for their own pain. I have received dozens of emails, Facebook comments, and shares. There is so much gratitude in those comments that sometimes, I don’t know what to do with it. So I write.

Next: “How sounds/smells/textures set you off and God forbid someone touch you, because you can lash out and to tell people just accept it and walk away slowly is an utter pile of fecal matter!”

Oh, God yes. I totally see what you are saying. But you have missed a critical point here. I don’t lash out. I just don’t. I haven’t responded violently to a person’s touch in years. Instead, I flinch. I cry. I walk away, without saying a word.

People often get their feelings hurt, because I just walk away. I don’t have the words for it at the time. The thing is, it’s embarrassing, and when I tell people what’s going on in my head at the time, they feel guilty. By explaining things here, I hope to provide my friends context for future interactions.

But I don’t expect my friends to accept it if I go off. I’m asking my friends to understand my idiosyncrasies. I actually have specific friends who have taken it upon themselves to tell me when I’m being socially inappropriate. It’s a huge favor they do for me, because they are helping me be a better person.

Next one is kind of funny: “Your fiance Jennie’s [sic] kids have names don’t they?? The Boy…. The Girl….. sounds creepy and sociopathic.”

First of all, they are not my kids. They are, as you so kindly pointed out, my fiance’s children. It is not my place to tell their story publicly, nor is it my place to divulge personal information about them. Jenny and I talked at length about what she was comfortable with in reference to this blog. The first decision we made was to not use the kids’ names. I refer to them as the Boy and the Girl, because I respect their mother’s wishes.

Next up: “You obviously need attention, on a desperate level, and I feel very sorry for your partner Jennie [sic], who is either a door-mat with such low self esteem that she puts up with your eccentricities and sexual juggling act or she’s a Saint, who’s to know.”

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to brag on my soon-to-be-wife.

Jenny is a fucking bad-ass. She takes shit from nobody, and is a saint. She is the kindest person I have ever met. For reference, she believes that this is the only life we have, and that nothing and no one is worth hatred. Except my mother, who she totally would put on a hit list if it weren’t illegal.

She makes my day better every day. She accepts me for who I am. Know why? My personal motto is “personal responsibility.” I own my actions. I clean up my own messes. I support my family, and love her children. I am not abusive, mean, or violent. I will not stand for anyone treating her or her kids poorly. I would literally die for any one of them. I have made the choice to live for them as well. I will never hurt them, or leave them with the empty hole I would create if I died. I will fight to be healthy, fit, and living, because I have love, and that love deserves to be put to use, not wasted.

Finally: “For people with mental illness, this blog site is not uplifting or empowering, unless whining and self pity are on the agenda.”

I can see why you say that. Happily, I have had many emails thanking me for standing up and opening myself up to everyone. I sometimes make the mentally ill feel less alone. I help others put their illness in perspective. I have had people approach me both online and in person, asking for advice, or perspective. I’m not trying to brag when I say that more than ten people have told me that they are currently seeking treatment for their own mental illness because of their interactions with me.

For perspective, that’s one a month average, since I started this blog.

I think I’m doing just fine, thank you very much. I hope I have answered all of your questions. Please, continue to comment. I’d love to hear what you say.

My love to all of you!

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24 thoughts on “For Basil Rathbone, Thanks for the Comment!

  1. Tina

    Rory as I mentioned to you yesterday your blog helped me deal with a relative that mentioned they were considering committing suicide. If not for you talking about how you feel I’m not sure that I would have known how to help this relative. And as to the house you lived in being condemned perhaps you should also mention that the roof was caved in, in your bedroom. And as you mentioned in the past about moving and taking nothing with you, I stopped by after your family had moved and there were still clothes in the dressers, beds in the rooms, stuff everywhere. I’m happy that you found a “real” family and are getting to know what a normal life really is.

    Reply
  2. Cynthia

    Touché…. Great response! Buy responding in they way you have done shows that you have grown over the last 10 months in both healing and understanding and it has not been easy for you. I have mentioned your growth before and this just confirms it. Hugs dear friend, carry on!

    Reply
  3. zooey

    Excellent point-by-point reply, Rory. You certainly had more grace. I had to refrain from lashing out last night. Troll, “Basil” is for sure. and you, dear friend are the epitome of class. /grin.

    Reply
  4. David Oak Stark

    Thanks for your continued postings Rory. People like Mr. “Rathbone” make me sick. When I see their comments, it makes it harder for me to open up to anyone in my life about what is going on. Sometimes I want to explain to a friend why I took so long to get ready, or why I just can’t come over at the moment (Yay panic attacks), and I am always worried about these trolls in sheep’s clothing ruining a moment of honesty and vulnerability with their ignorance and belittling comments.

    PPS Mr. Rathbone. I’m so very happy to see your “PPS comment”. To see someone THAT jealous of a supportive, loving, person, Someone who supports us because we are fabulous.

    To see you become so aggressive over something so beautiful. It shows 2 things that are very important.
    1. You recognize the support and understanding of someone that is so PURE that it rocked the very foundations of your world. (Or as we all call it, Love.)
    2. You had absolutely no idea how to respond to a well thought out and hard core BURN, *Here is some aloe*

    He tore your comments apart with every stitch in your pathetically constructed excuse for judgement. And at the very moment in which you had the opportunity to respond in a manner fitting for the situation (Dialogue, we call this in civilized society); You instead turn to Ad Hominem attacks against this author’s personal life.

    You use hot issue topics such as gender, someone’s children, and death of a loved one, to completely derail the conversation about MENTAL HEALTH that was being had.
    (This is called a Red Herring Tactic).

    Rory has done well to your Shotgun Argumentation (Presenting too many arguments to be able to respond to them all) and indeed, upon responding to them all, left the ball in your court, which you left lying there.

    Your Faulty Generalizations, Appeals to Ridicule, and Faulty Generalizations are quite comical to see, but even funnier to see torn apart.

    I sincerely hope that you continue posting. I am following you now, and will be showing your arguments to my speech students as clear examples of what NOT to do in any kind of civilized conversation being had, whether it is a debate or conversation. Thank you so much for these classic examples.

    Reply
  5. David Oak Stark

    Oh, and PS Mr. Rathbone,

    Quotes are used at the beginning and end of the quoted material. You have a tendency to put a space between the opening quote and the first word.

    Example: an ” alternative ” / I got ” told ” by you / you ” freak out ”
    Corrected to: an “alternative” / I got “told” by you / you “freak out”

    Here is a good explanation:
    http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/quotes.asp

    It also explains what [Sic] is, in case you missed that in fourth grade as well.

    Reply
  6. K

    Just block this loser and be done with it! I read your blog every day and thank God there is someone out there with the courage to say the things I feel. Your blog brings tears to my eyes some days, not because I feel empathy for you, but because you are going through some of the same things I am and it helps to know I’m not alone in my “lazy, decadent depression.” Lives are not simple and rule-abiding. They are messy and emotional and some of them are just broken. We do the best we can with what we’ve been dealt.

    Reply
    1. Anne

      K-
      I’m right there with you too! I agree. Rory gives me a voice because I’m not strong enough to voice myself. I’m sooo very grateful for his posts. 🙂

      Reply
    2. Anne

      K-
      I’m right there with you too! Rory gives me a voice, as he says so many things that I feel or have gone through. It feels good to know someone out there has ‘been there, done that’ and won’t think I’m crazy for having gone through some of the same insanity growing up. I’m very grateful for this blog site. Thank you, Rory. 🙂

      Reply
  7. D

    I hate to feed the tra-la-troll, but I must, sadly, so here is a response to feed him…ONCE.

    Well, well, Troll has reared his head again. How SHOCKING! I used to run corporate forums and would banhammer someone like this without batting an eyeslash. His fodder poisons the tenor and purpose of peer-to-peer discussions, learning and helpfulness. Now, no matter what is said in Rory’s defense or the purpose of this blog, it just feeds his toxic blabbering.

    Two Definitions: “The word troll, and its related verb trolling, is associated with Internet discourse equated to online harassment.” “One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a blog, newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.”

    The sorry fact about Basil-troll, is this is a place where he could actually LEARN about those living with mental illness. It is honest and unashamed of struggles and living day-to-day. Mr. Troll just doesn’t get it. Or, most likely, he just wants his own platform to spout posion and feel important with a borrowed audience.

    You do know, Basil, you can start your own trolling blog and go right at it! Unforunately, your readership would tire of you. Perhaps your own trolling followers would have plenty to say about your writing and intent. Now THAT would be ironic.

    I would, although, like to thank Mr. Troll for one very important point. Basil’s trolling does nothing but solidify Rory’s readership in solidarity. Now that makes this little troll amusing and comical. /grin

    Make you mad, troll? Where here is a fuzzy bunny to make you feel better!

    Reply
  8. Mark Bruno

    It must be very easy to cast disparaging comments toward someone from the comfort of an anonymous Internet de plume. What courage! Such conviction! Apparently, Basil Rathbone follows the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, a postulate which asserts that normal, well-adjusted people may display psychopathic or antisocial behaviors when given both anonymity and a captive audience on the Internet. So basically NORMAL PERSON + ANONYMITY + AUDIENCE = TOTAL FUCKWAD.

    Reply
  9. Michael Glasser

    In my first response to “Basil Rathbone” I commented on how well Rory generally handles his challenges and how poorly “Basil” was doing. I wished “Basil” well and hoped he found a better way of dealing with his challenges – whatever they are.

    Sadly, though clearly, “Basil” is failing. Miserably. “Basil”, please print out this page and the others where you are involved – including comments. Show it to some trusted friends and professionals who can help you. You are not alone and can overcome whatever is troubling you.

    Hopefully you see the need in this, but if you truly cannot see how poorly you are handling things then that is all the more reason to take my advice.

    Reply

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